Huron/Wyandot Art

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My Blog: A MOUNTAIN OF LOSS Post New Entry

Understanding the true "essence" of those we love and hoping to emulate them so as to keep them always present!!

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Thinking back when the boys were little, loving and awesome!

Posted by Margaret Clark-Price on February 5, 2018 at 10:15 PM Comments comments (2)

On this chilly evening, I am reminded of a roaring fire in the fireplace or in a makeshift pit while camping. I conjure mental images of the crackling, hissing and popping tree sap and I can almost feel the warmth enveloping my feet and legs. The closer I leaned into the firelight, the more I felt a near-searing of my face.

In the open night air, I can almost smell the pine of the trees and the dank earth that nourishes the pine, ponderosa and pinon.

Mixed into nature's aromas is ...

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Just wondering

Posted by Margaret Clark-Price on July 10, 2017 at 4:25 AM Comments comments (0)

1:00 a.m. on the 10th of July 2017, and not sure why my pillow is not calling to me. It’s been another hot day (desert living) and staying indoors is the only way to survive. Of course, being trapped within the walls of the house, one becomes trapped in the walls of the mind.

I so miss my son Stafford in so many many ways…. I miss his voice, his greeting of “Hi Mom, it’s Stafford” … I miss his laughter, our many c...

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Even life is temporary!

Posted by Margaret Clark-Price on March 20, 2017 at 4:10 PM Comments comments (0)

Life, with all of its ups and downs, has moved on according to plan!  Three months ago, on the anniversary of Stafford's passing, that sharp stab of loss was felt again! Once more I looked into the sky and tried to find the sunlight that filled my every day! It has been dimmed considerably but, knowing I shall see my son again, I sense clouds drifiting away!


Loss is part of living ... as is birth and death ... ...

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Remembering My Electric Kid toay!

Posted by Margaret Clark-Price on December 8, 2016 at 3:05 PM Comments comments (0)

Stafford Alan Clark-Price, my "Electric Kid"...... 5 years ago today, he traveled beyond this world into eternal light and love! The world was such a beneficiary of his love and generosity! He adored being a "Storyteller" on stage and now, his legacy remains as a magnificent example of the human spirit. My heart grows larger each day with increasing love, pride and honor to have been chosen to be his Mother. His indelible mark on my life carries me through each day with the kno...

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The sharp edges are still there!

Posted by Margaret Clark-Price on September 25, 2015 at 12:50 PM Comments comments (0)

I have been a hermit for the past 4 years since losing my son to cancer! Those devastating images of his suffering haunt me every day! I too, have seen my anger rise within me, my total disgust with the times and lack of morals, integrity and compassion. I am still not ready to enter the "masses" where the majority of people are only interested in "What can you do for me." I have stopped giving and am close to not caring any longer! I can only think of joining my son who was tr...

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40 Years ago today I was blessed!

Posted by Margaret Clark-Price on April 30, 2015 at 1:25 PM Comments comments (0)

"Mom...I just want to see forty!" Today is Stafford's fortieth day of birth and he left us 40 months ago!!

All the poems, beautiful tributes, loving passages, empathetic gestures and kind words are a part of the glue that holds the shards of my broken heart together! Every day I test the glue ..... but it has not yet dried! ......

I was Stafford's Mom, and yes, today and for many tomorrows, I will be selfish in my grief. I...

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So many memories on this Vaentine's Day!

Posted by Margaret Clark-Price on February 15, 2015 at 3:30 AM Comments comments (0)

So thrilled to have "found" Clara and her two children, Sandra and Andy Tejeda. Clara and I go back to "Los Angeles years" when Stuart was born. Her wonderful husband, Mario, left us just before Stafford's passing . Neither of us knew of our losses until about a year or so ago! Since then, we have stayed in touch.


Her son Andy, was going through some of...

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Keeping Stafford alive and vibrant!

Posted by Margaret Clark-Price on February 5, 2015 at 1:25 PM Comments comments (0)

I firmly believe that my beautiful son, Stafford, is with me 24/7 and because of that, I do my best to honor his electric spirit by involving myself in every day activities. The most difficult thing to deal with is having no one with whom to share the wonderful memories of him. I do a lot of "living" in my head! What keeps me moving forward is my son's smile and the unselfish nature he possessed! He touched many lives....including a phenomenal impact on me! In h...

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There is now a Hole in the Day every day!

Posted by Margaret Clark-Price on December 8, 2014 at 3:15 PM Comments comments (0)

Three years ago on Dec. 8th, a fantastic human traveled beyond our feeble limits and, in my heart, I know his lifeways and contributions left many far better had he not been here for the short time that he was. He was not mine....... he was on loan and I am blessed to have been able to call him my son! What an immeasurable heart love he continues to be!


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The Shawl of my son

Posted by Margaret Clark-Price on October 5, 2014 at 12:30 AM Comments comments (0)

 

     For so many beautiful years, my silly wardrobe did not contain a shawl! I always thought that was an item of dress for an old lady, a matronly grandma, a widow or part of a dancing costume at a Pow Wow!


     Normally I would put together matching outfits whether they started with cowboy boots, moccasins, tennis...

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Stafford's Beach (Farr Beach in Scotland)

Posted by Margaret Clark-Price on September 30, 2014 at 1:50 PM Comments comments (0)

Varrich Castle (Mackay Castle)

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Time Flies

Posted by Margaret Clark-Price on September 27, 2014 at 3:10 AM Comments comments (0)

The days, weeks and months have flown! I have been to Reno, Chicago, Scotland and Albuquerque since my last posting! Stafford has been by my side, in my thoughts and so heavy in my heart! I was blessed to walk the Farr Beach in Northern Scotland and hike to the Varrigh Castle of the Mackay Clan (McKee).


In reviewing the "tapes" of my Scotland visit, the most incredible experience was Stafford's Beach (Farr Beach, Bettyhill, Tongue, Scotla...

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Still examining the past and searching for answers

Posted by Margaret Clark-Price on January 16, 2014 at 9:40 PM Comments comments (1)

A little amazing history story:

I moved to Phoenix in 1985 where I did not know a soul and had no friends, acquaintances or connections. It was pretty scary since I also had 2 small boys with me. (That's a story by itself.)


About 10 years later, through a c...

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Goodbye 2013 - Hello to another year

Posted by Margaret Clark-Price on January 2, 2014 at 12:45 AM Comments comments (0)

It's late at night. . . I sit here staring at the computer screen with a myriad of thoughts coursing though my mind.  Looking at the mental images and reflections of the past year -- all the ups and downs - the phases of the heart and the seasons -- I recall the sounds of the wind and the deafening silence of the days, weeks and months and my heart experiences a kaleidoscope of emotion.  


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How quickly the time flies - - two years ago today - my biggesrt loss!!!

Posted by Margaret Clark-Price on December 8, 2013 at 2:55 AM Comments comments (0)

I know he hovers around me - - I feel his spirit -- and it makes my heart ache a little more because I'm selfish! I want to hear his voice and feel his hugs - - just one more time!! What a wonderful spirit he had (has) and was such a giving person! He could make me laugh, he could make me cry, he could make me feel grateful, could make me feel important and had a unique way of validating me. He would kid me, tease me, scold me, and the...

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2 years ago an enormous chunk of my heart left

Posted by Margaret Clark-Price on December 6, 2013 at 5:45 PM Comments comments (0)
He's walking toward me surrounded by light
I can't believe this miraculous sight!
It can't be him - I know he's dead
But as I look toward him, he's shaking his head

"I did not die - I am still here
Look into your heart - I've always been near
My body died, yes, but not my soul...
You never had to let me go."

"Speak my name - talk to me
...
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Playing head games as a coping mechanism

Posted by Margaret Clark-Price on November 25, 2013 at 1:30 AM Comments comments (0)

So often I cannot wait until the sun goes down so that I can once again grab my pillow and be enveloped in conversation, laughter and hugs with Stafford. Sometimes I have to play head games with myself and "pretend" he is "across the pond" involved in a performance where there are no phones or internet and I can only wait for him to return and call me again. I have good days where I feel him ne...

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The loses of 9/11, Stafford and other loves

Posted by Margaret Clark-Price on September 11, 2013 at 1:40 AM Comments comments (0)

On the morning of 9/11/2001, I was walking through my living room and my youngest son, Stafford, was lying on the sofa watching TV. All of a sudden, he flew off the sofa and yelled out! I abruptly stopped, turned and stared in disbelief at the TV. At first I thought it was a sick prank and couldn’t believe someone could be so twisted! The true impact of that horrific plane exploding in...

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Trying to "Be"

Posted by Margaret Clark-Price on September 11, 2013 at 1:40 AM Comments comments (0)

There are days I truly "grow my nails to hang on!" Those are the times when I dig way down deep into the dark recesses of my mind and heart . ...... close my eyes tightly and let mental images swirl and soar and float about in my head. With prayer and supplication, images holding "solutions" begin to form . . . if I just let myself "be."

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